Matthew Primous
Bio
I am a Black Scholar, International Scholar, & Google Scholar, & 3-Time Eber & Wein Best Poet., Nominee for Poet of the Year, 2020 Black Author Matters Winner, 2 time Akademia Excellence Essayists,& 2022 Honorary Muckrack Journalist.
Stories (306/0)
The Beauty of Life
There was changed everywhere. Change in the atmosphere. Change with the environment. People were feeling change and they did not know what type of future would come to them. People were worried. People were fretting and anxious. And it can be felt throughout the whole region. We knew something was brewing and it was not good. As Queene and Benji grew their family, they had two children, two sons. One was much older and was one was much younger. Tarack and Maco were not alike. Some people did not believe they were full blooded brothers. One was day and one was night. And they did not get along either. They were total opposite. Sometimes Tarack was gentle and Maco was angry. And Maco was gentle and Tarack was angry. And their appearance was somewhat alike and somewhat different. Everytime they get into an argument, Tarack would remind Maco who watched him when his parents were not around and who saved him plenty of times from trouble. Maco would brush off the same rebuttal. And Tarack kept saying there will be times you need me and I won't be there to save you and neither would Mom or Dad. And Maco would shrug off the lesson. And it happened as Maco was attending to the sheep and cattle that a lion came out of nowhere to attack and Maco was struggling but he managed to hit the foot of the lion and the lion ranaway crying. He told the story to everyone, his mother and father and his brother and his friends and his family. And they did not believe him until they saw the broken staff with lion's teeth marks. And Tarack was jealous that he could not celebrate with his family. And Maco tried to talk him down and say that family is family. I still need you but not as much. And you will always be my older brother. Mom and Dad still need you to be the strong one. I just got lucky. And Tarack would listen but play with the fire he had made to stay warm. And one of the times, a cheetah came out of the darkness to attack a cattle. And Tarack fought it and the cheetah got at his leg but he stab the cheetah in the head and punched it. and the cheetah ranaway. Tarack came limping home. And he endured the pain and walk through the door. And Benji caught him before he fell. And Tarack was trying to explain how a hero he was. And his father and mother were worried about his health. Maco praised Tarack and called him a hero. And they called the doctor to check on his health. The doctor was a beautiful woman, she had just finished her education. And she was on her first assignment with Tarack. Maco was in loved and flirting with the doctor but Tarack was acting tough and annoyed. The doctor recommended that he stay in and heal and get plenty of rest. Tarack resisted but his parents listened and forced him to. Tarack learned to like being off his feet but he was so bored. And Maco begin talking to him, you know that doctor is beautiful. I love her. Tarack said you would love anything but my love is for the land. My love is for the adventure. My love is for the outdoors. I can't be kept. I can't be silenced. I can't be housed. And just when Maco was about to finish the doctor came in. She overheard Tarack demand and she said you have been doing good for months maybe you should see the outdoors. And Tarack lited up and immediately tried to leave. He was so happy he kissed Mom and the doctor on the cheek. Maco asked out the doctor and the doctor after Maco convinced her begin to order dates. Tarack rode on horses. Tarack played with the cattle. Tarack picked up the sheep. Eventually he ran throughout the country went on long walks breathe in and breathe out the nature stood up late and rose early. Maco eventually got married while Tarack politely waited till his love for nature came to a hold.
By Matthew Primousabout 12 hours ago in Families
The Beauty of the Land
It was long time ago faraway in a distant land. There dwelled noble people people with traditions people with cultures people with accents. They were peaceful people and they were more civilized than war. They had developed in this land and they had became something more durable than conflict. They were adventurous people. People who highly regarded collective and unity. People who were not afraid to fight for family. People who would befriend those who embraced their culture. And they lived with dignity and honor. They would strive to be something great. They were taught many stories orally that they had to remember. Benji was a shepherd and he hurdle many cattles and sheep alike. He was a very patient man. He worked most of his life for what he wanted. But he could not find a mate. He would sometimes dream of being with someone. He would drift off in his own fantasy. But all he had was cattle and sheep that he treated like children. He would keep watch over all of them and make sure they were well feed. And he was one of the best shepherd in his days. He was steadfast and loyal. He had some wealth. He would not be afraid to help his neighbor whom he often gave advice to about how to tend his sheep. Because the sheep would wander in Benji's flock. And then there were Queene, she was total opposite in fine clothing and fine array. She was the talk of her town. She was very beautiful and graceful. But she did not find a suitor who would bring her true happiness. She was scared of motherhood and she was uncertain about having a family. Queene never did anything for herself. She was well-maintained by her father's servants. And she was set to inherit a good fortune one day. It so happened that Queene had to go on a visit near a town by Benji's hometown. And Queene was well protected and well-cared for. When a raging lion came out of nowhere and started attacking her company. The servants told Queene to escaped for her life while they fight the lion. But Queene was stubborn and she hesitatingly moved. That's when Benji came along the way and he was courageous and brave. He took his shepherd's staff and rod and beat the lion into submission. And the lion ranaway after several attempts to recuperate. And Queene bravely approached Benji and Benji was still shocked over the battle with the lion and he was gonna fight more than he noticed it was a beautiful woman, it was Queene. And she hugged him tightly and said you saved our lives. You brave and courageous man. What is your name? And Benji said stuttering It is Benjamin no I mean Benji. And Queene said my name is Queene you must at once come with me. You're my hero and you deserved to be celebrated. But Benji resisted humblely and said Anybody would do anything for his neighbor. Especially as beautiful as you are. And Queene kissed him on between his lips and cheek. And Benji who have never known a woman enjoyed the kiss very much. That he said he would never forget her and will help get her to her destination. Queene said don't follow behind but stay near as my protector Benji. And he followed her into her relatives' city. And as they entered many shouted hurray for the married couple. And Queene and Benji locked eyes and accepted it. And during the celebration Benji asked her to marry him. And her relatives after hearing the story shouted well marry him. And Queene and Benji were married and she sought news to her father's house who was thrilled.
By Matthew Primousabout 13 hours ago in Families
A Time to Love
It all started here in Joplin. I was just a young kid on the streets of Joplin. I did not do much. I was just chilling with my friends. And that same cop kept coming by saying stuff. And he was showing his weapon and ready to start something. I was just young and having fun. And down through the years, I started having attitude, talking stuff and being about something. I did not know better. I was just learning how to be a man. And I started to hang out with the wrong crowd and got into somethings. But I knew better i was no druggy no alcoholic. I just like having fun. And one night the cop pulled me over and frisk us right in front of our girls. And he made us feel embarrassed embarrassed of ourselves embarrassed as a man and embarrassed as a people. And he frisk me one too many so I fought with him knee him in the chest and he fell and pull a gun. And he called me a rotten N-Word and I started fighting with him and with his gun. And he called for back up and that's when that's when that's when the gun went off and he was shot. My friends told me to run but I knew not to. I tried to stop the bleeding and the blood was everywhere. And his backup came and pointed guns at me while I was on my knees and they told me to put my hands behind my hand and I did. Then they jumped on me and put cuffs on me and arrested me. All i was thinking of was my dear mother. My mother crying and angry because of what I did. And I did not care anymore. I was held at the station for hours and hours. And my mother came after being called at work, she said he is just a young man and you're gonna keep him lock up for six hours with only using the bathroom in his cell. And they tried to calm my mother down and explained that a cop almost died and that I would have to appear in court. That I could not be free until further notice. My mother screamed and panic, she begin to say that's my son that's my son and you can't do that to him. And I yelled Mom it's alright I'm okay. The officer said you can come by and visit him and bring him food but he must stay until the judge decides what to do to him. My mother asked to come to my cell and they allowed her to see me through the door. Son why have you've done this? Why have you shamed us? I warned you. I told you not to play around and you don't listen. You don't listen. And I cried Mom I am sorry. But she just walked away and gave my meal to the officer and left. Later on that week in jail, a lawyer called me and said that my mother paid him to represent me and he went through the protocol. The lawyer allowed for me to be free in the community room alone with my mother and him. And he begin to questioned me over and over again. And I was tired but my mother was persistent. And she said that she is trying to save me now just answer. And I said Mom it was an accident. I did not mean for this to happen. I did not shoot him. We were struggling and the shot came. And my mother looked at me hard and long and said Son I believe you but I don't know if the law will. The lawyer said Do you want to go to school? Do you want to be something? I said yeah but Mom doesn't have the money. The lawyer said it's okay because it will build your character. Did the officer say why he frisk you? I said No. Ohhhh that's a violation of Miranda's law said the Lawyer. Mrs. Rosalind you have a case. So weeks and weeks of being in the holding and solitary, i had to come to court and testify. I tried to be serious. I tired to be firm. I tired to be immovable. I was swore in. The Lawyer asked for my story and I told my story with tears in my eyes and my mother cried But the defense and prosecutor came straight for me. And I said There's a season for everything a time to laugh a time a time to grief a time to fight a time to give up a time for war a time for peace but I wondered when the time to love and if I did not regret my actions I would not have stood by that officer to save his life. And the defense and prosecutor rested and later on after the trial the jury decided that I was not guilty.
By Matthew Primousa day ago in Confessions
I Love the Lord
I never thought about being religious much. It never crossed my mind. I just thought if you be a good person that your life will be set before you. That you could become great. I wasn't an atheist. I just did not have a close relationship with God. I definitely did not want to go to Hell and I was not infatuated with demonic stuff. But I was still unsure about life and unsure about what I wanted to do with my life. But then things happened, things you don't expect happened. Diseases, poverty and natural disasters who knows. But everyone goes through something in this life, in this world that is unpredictable. Because if it was predictable then most people would have voided it. I was one of those people. I guess I had it coming but how could you guess I believe things just happen. I Louisa begin imagining things. I just kept seeing stuff. I don't know it appear to me like a thriller. A nightmare that will never end. And it would happen unconsciously and consciously. I just kept having these incidents daily. And I told my doctor and I told my best friend Joyce. They kept happening all of sudden and I would lose my mind. It was just awful that I had to tell the doctor I would not leave his office until he tells me what it is. And the doctor agreed and gave me testing. And the doctor gave me medicine temporarily to ease the sickness. And the next day the doctor said it's some type of mental illness. I was shocked because mental illness does not run in my family. My mother never had it. My father never had it. My grandparents never had it. And it felt like I was dying really really dying and going to hell. Everyday seem like hell. Everyday the devil will appear and say evil stuff. Everyday demons will come out and taunt me. I could not work. I could not hang out around most people or certain people. It was a nightmare. And I finally told my friend Joyce after going through numerous upton amount of tests. Joyce told me she believe it. She told me that we should pray just pray. And I told her I would think about it. Joyce got louder and said Louisa you can't think. You can't function properly. You are living in hell and you don't want help. You don't want assurance. You don't want peace. You don't want hope. You don't want God. God is good. God is greater than your illness. God is greater than your problem. I will pray for you. Pray for you to trust God. God is your doctor. Just listen to this song. And after I was done meeting with Joyce who gave me a CD called I Love the Lord. I hugged Joyce and told her good bye. That night was awful something was trying to take me out. Something had grip me and I was struggling to sleep. and I got up and heard a voice say listen to the CD. And I listen and begin crying profusely. I never listened to church music lately. But I was missing something and I put the CD on replay all night. And I fell to my knees and said God if you are there in Heaven on the Throne, forgive me. Forgive me for not listening to you. Forgive me for not believing in you. Help me, help me Father. If you healed me touch me right now I will run from Hell. I will run with you. I will do your will. In Jesus name Amen. And I kept the CD on and took some more medicine and slept on the sofa with a blanket and pillow. And I slept and I did it again and again and again. Eventually, I finally told my doctor and Joyce gave me a Bible after telling her. And she prayed with me and I got saved and begin reading daily. And that's my life with a mental illness, I trust God reading his word and praying and praising Him. And testifying and being thankful, my relationship is closer. And taking my medicine, now I've been changed and for God I live no matter what for God I die.
By Matthew Primous2 days ago in Confessions
A Soldier of the Bourgnewian Kingdom
I never thought His Majesty would look upon me after all I am just a lowly soldier in his army. It was after the Battle of Pigs that I received the honor. The men fought valiantly and they were amazed at how much they had driven back the enemies of the kingdom. It was only a few of us men valiant men who fought the battle while others retreated and we were braved. And we had courage even though the battle did not look within our favor. We fought this war. We fought this battle. And we were willing to die for His Majesty and the kingdom. You see the Kingdom of Bourgnew was our home. It was our livelihood. And we were not gonna let anyone take that away from us. We believed in His Majesty. We believe in His wisdom and His sovereignty. And that's what I used to gathered the men. That they loved the Kingdom of Bourgnew and that they loved their homeland and are loyal subjects to His Majesty King Mattius. King Mattius guaranteed that he would give special benefits to those who fought valiantly. And that they would receive the King's Honors. And he was a man of his word and he had the grace and reputation to do so. And the government was behind him and his officials were loyal subjects. I fought bravely with the men. And we did not have much losses. We stood on the line and fought valiantly and we were not willing to fail or give up. We were of the highest order in our minds. And we were willing to die for our country and His Majesty. The enemies of the Kingdom begin to speak in our language but that did not detour us. We knew they were trying to mess with our heads and stop us from valiantly fighting. And we captured their leader and we captured their valiant men. And we chained them up and stripped them of all their glory. And we hauled them to our base and prison. When His Majesty heard the news, he came himself. He came to the front secretly and we did not know. We just assumed he was higher authority. And His Majesty was delighted at the courage of his men and he was delighted with their valiant. And he invited them after under-covering himself to the Royal Banquet. I Captain Leon Davidie was honored to serve for the king. And that night I got drunk and slept with a maiden. And she made me swear that I would not tell anyone. She was lovely like a princess, a Queen in my book. And I love every minute of her of seeing her she was just simply lovely. A few weeks later, it was heard that the King Mattius was in an uproar. His wife was rumored to be pregnant and some say she cheated on him. And so the King searched for her adulterer. And the bad lot fell upon my troops, all of us were interrogated and persecuted. And while in jail, I told my men that I would take the fall. Afterall I believe that princessly maiden could of been the Queen because she was just lovely. She was beautiful in every way and she had me to swear. And my men said all the women were lovely. All the women were beautiful. We cannot let you take the fall. We all will say. And I insisted No save yourselves. You have been loyal enough to me. You have saved my life over and over again. I will not let you fall for me. I am your Captain and this is my last command. And I spoke to the Guard, Sir I confessed. I slept with the Queen. And the Guard told his Captain and they moved me into solitary. And the men cried and they were distraught. The King interrogated me with the Queen. And the Queen proudly said I did not sleep with that man. And the King demanded that I tell the story. And I told the story about how I was drunk and a beautiful maiden that appear like the Queen slept with me. The Queen said Mattius do you know how old I am? Really do you know how old I am? I am only six years younger than you. How could I be a beautiful maiden then? Then the King said But did you sleep with someone else is my question? The Queen said Many people want a Queen, many people fantasy about royalty but my eyes and loyalty is to the King. The King regretted I know when my beloved is telling the truth. She acts like my mother. Released him and make him a general. And just then I was released and promoted by His Majesty King Mattius thanks to the Queen.
By Matthew Primous2 days ago in History
The Good Fortune
I am just a poor little woman from Bach, Mississippi. What do I know about anything? My father was poor and my mother was poor. All my siblings started from poverty. What do I know about wealth? I never thought in my wildest dreams of anything. Because too much is given much is required says the Good Book. I never thought in my life. It started while working at the restaurant. I worked at my uncle's restaurant since I was 14. I never asked for no raise. I never asked for anything. I was just happy to cook and work. Because that's what my parents taught me. You worked hard you receive. You worked hard you get. You worked and worked and a blessing. The only name I went by was Rebekka. All my friends called me Rebekka and all my family called me Rebekka. I was Rebekka of Bach, Mississippi. And my family lived here most of their lives ever since slavery ended. We lived in these shacks and never looked back. We were just happy to be freed and without bondage. You oppressed people so much that they just want to be freed., They just want to be by themselves. All by themselves and don't care about money or fame. Although I was famous in church for my Southern gumbo. The Pastor said Rebekka cooked us some of the most excellent gumbo that God gave you. I would be like all Pastor don't. My grandma and mother taught me and my uncle did give me the job. And after being shy of relationships and being married. This man came to my uncle restaurant. He must of been an out of townee or something. He had on this fancy suit and this suitcase. And he would order just a sandwich and chips and a light drink each time. My uncle thought he is from the IRS or some federal agencies. I thought nay he must be up to something. So he told me to keep watch and have good conversations. I shouted Hey you. And he politely looked at me. What;'s your name? My name is Rebekka everybody call me Rebekka. He politely said Mr. Peterson. I said let me buy you a drink on the house. You will love the Caribbean, it's sweet and tangy and full of flavor. And he said Thanks. So I made him the house drink. he just said thanks. I said where are you from? He said pulling his glasses off I am from an agency. i said what the government or something? He said No. And he had a phone call that made him abruptly leave. And I went in the back after checking everyone on a full house. I told my uncle. And he said he still thinks he is from the IRS. He eventually came back and asked what church I go to? I said Calvary Baptist Church down the street. My family always go to church most of the week and so does everybody else. He said Good when is service? I said well they usually do service every Sunday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. He said I will be there and you will find out why I am here. So I politely wave to him and told uncle. And uncle sweated and said be there and tell everyone that I will give them a discount if they find out why he is here. I said Whoa I am not making that gumbo. Uncle if I find out you better hire a new staff because I am tired of gumbo. Days later on Saturday, we were having church and praising the Lord and I was getting my praise on. Just because God is that good and I liked to thank him. And just before prayer, Mr. Peterson stepped in and he said he has to testify. I am from one of the agencies up North. And somebody I need to talk to. Everybody begin talking and scared. The Pastor silenced the church with the choir humming the spiritual, It is Well. And the Pastor spoke to Mr. Peterson and asked him privately but Mr. Peterson resisted and said I will talk to you if I could bring the person out. The Pastor let him. Mr. Peterson said I am looking for Saint, the last name is Saint. And the church laughed we all are Saints in God's eyes. What are you talking about man? said the Pastor. Mr. Peterson said Julia Saint. And the church started asking each other. Then the Pastor said Can we please get on with the sermon? People have to go home. Mr. Peterson said Her name starts with an R. I was shocked but so were the other people. Mr. Peterson said born in Virginia, Mississippi. And my uncle came into the meeting. And he heard and pulled me out and said Rebekka your real name is Julia Rebekka Saint and you were adopted. I said No uncle no. He said shaking his head yeah yeah. I almost passed out when my uncle straighten me out to save the town by saying it was me. I said it quietly and a little louder and then loudly. And Mr. Peterson said That;'s your name, ah ah ah I found her. You are the heir of Mr. and Mrs. Saint you are worth a fortune. Then I passed out and the church members came to help me. i said No Lord no. I worked all my life. I am not a rich snob. I worked all my life. The next day Mr. Peterson met me alone at the restaurant while my uncle was getting the restaurant ready. Mr. Peterson told me about my parents and he reassured me that I was their only heir. Then he asked me what I would do with the money. And I said spend on charities, save the church, repair the restaurant, and live well. Mr. Peterson said You really impressed me. You are thoughtful and kind. Your parents could not have prepared for this. Your check will be in the mail. Good Day Ms. Julia Rebekka Saint.
By Matthew Primous3 days ago in Confessions
The Times of Clive Levy
As I tell you this story I am crying not tears of defeat but tears of joy. I will tell you why later. My story begin in Florida where I was born. Clive as the first child of Ella and Phillip Levi. And my family was normal and stable as long as Momma was around. She had a few more children and I had to help around the house. But I was glad to do anything for my Momma. She loved me. She really really loved me. And she was pretty and she was kind and smart. And she wanted me to be something. Momma was the best gift I got from God I thought as a child. And the family grew and was stable. Then suddenly out of nowhere Momma passed away leaving a husband and four children. My father made me quit school and work to make ends met. My father was a harsh man and very stubborn. And as I grew older he became more and more strict. One time I beg to go out and spend time with some friends and my father threatened to beat me. And I beg my father many times and reminded him of what it was like to be young and adventurous but my father did not listen. So I held in my desire to explore the world and I kept to myself. Then the war broke out, World War 2 my father and I signed up for the military. My father tried to take my paycheck too but they would not let him. I had freedom. The military was much freer than being at home with my father. And I had friends and met other women. I went to the bar and I was likable. I did not want to leave. But eventually the war ended and we went home. My father tried to empty my accounts and put me back under his rule. I believe my father hated me. He would never tell me that he loved me especially after Momma died. He became mean and surly. He was always angry and mad. He treated us like property than children. And he outright did what he wanted but left me to take care of my brothers. I started to go to church and make friends. I met some cousins. And I told them what my father was doing. And they saw that he was mean and surly and how he treated me like a slave. I was older now, a soldier and a man and I was not gonna take it anymore. Cousin Ralph and I was leaving. So we plotted our escape at church and everybody went to church both night and day, well we met there one night and fled. My father was onto us the next day. Ralph and I escaped with jobs in the local churches and on farms because back then you can find a job on the farm or church and they will pay you and feed you and clothe you and give you a place to stay with some money. And we stall my father for weeks and enjoyed freedom. Then my father had the police looking for me. So I realized that Ralph and I had to escaped as far as possible up North for freedom. I knew my father would leave me alone if I go up there. And my father caught up to us. I tried to avoid fighting my father because the Word says Honor your father and mother. I just told my father before we catch the train. Leave me alone Father. And he said No I won't you will serve me till you die boy. And I said You're suppose to love me and you don;t. You hate me ever since Mom died. And I am not your property. Now I am leaving and you will never see me again. And Ralph and I jumped on a random train. And my father threw a fit in the field and left angry because his shotgun was unloaded and the train left before he could loaded it. I was freed. No more slavery. I was a man. Ralph made fun of what my father said and I laughed freely and without restraint or worries. I prayed and thanked God and I worn the cross that the church gave me. And I thought Ralph what if he tries to come for me to kill or threatened me. Ralph said Change your last name, he's Levi you can change yours to Levy. And I said Yeah my father is not the smartest man. And I won't go by my middle name either. On our way up North I met this beautiful woman Victoria. Oh man she had to be taken as lovely as she is. Ralph was my wing man but I remember she told me what church she went to. And then I saw her at the Jazz Club and I read a love poem to her. And next thing you know it we were married. And my father was dead then. Victoria had family issue but not like mines. She had been married but she was available and single. And she loved playing the piano. Her parents had issues too but she had a better family than mines and they were really welcoming. She was alone up North and we started our family together without anyone else except ourselves. You see Matt that's how your grandfather lived, that's how I became the man that I am today. You can too be somebody I know it. Keep up the grades and do what's right and God will bless you too.
By Matthew Primous4 days ago in Confessions
The Good Daughter
Ms. Mary Black Black Black All dressed in Black Black Black with silver buttons buttons buttons all down her back back back Hazel and Beste why aren't you dress for church said Momma. Momma why do we have to go to church so much? Me and Beste wanna play said Hazel. Not today get on with dressing for church. Both said okay Momma. And Momma kept taking the clothes off the line while dressed like a fox. That's what Daddy used to call her. She had her hair done and her makeup on and her gloves and her hair. Momma was dress to kill. And as me and Beste got in Daddy shouted Girls ya get ready for church. Both said Okay Dad. Come on Beste you help me and I will help you. That's how it was when I was young. Growing up on the farm and learning about life. Did you know? I had to walk two miles to get to school. Yup Momma had to work and Daddy had to work. It was years later when I was in sixth grade and Momma and Daddy had six other children. The worse happened, Momma left. I did not know but I felt something was gonna happen after Daddy pulled me out of school. Something wasn't right. Something had happened. And Dad told me that I would have to work and take care of the family. When I asked where is Momma. He yelled she died somewhere. So I worked and worked and clean after my siblings. I taught them what I learned in school. Beste and my other siblings got to go to school and learn. I was working or cleaning or cooking. I started to grow up and one day Dad looked at me strange. He started acting strange around me. And I just knew I had to leave otherwise something bad might happened. Beste convinced me to go to the club later on. I saw the well dressed men but I was not having it. I like having fun but I am no partier. Then Luther who was fine dress man with slick back hair and a nice smile, he came close to me. I told him that I am a church woman and I do not play that. He whisper jokes in my ear and told me that he thinks he love me. I told him I would think about it. So I went home and Daddy was angry so angry he threatened to kick me out and said I was just like my mother. So I had to work off and promised to do more chores and do better. But Dad went out on trips and I got my chance to meet Luther again and again. I was grown and Luther pleaded to be with me and said we can live up North and far from my Dad and start a life. He told me that I am beautiful and smart and then he gave me this incredible kiss. That's when I wanted to marry him. So Luther told me when my father goes on a trip again to sneak out and he will pick me up about a mile. I waited and kept busy then Dad left and about an hour I got dressed and pack my bags. Just when I was about to leave Beste said Wait sister Daddy doesn't treat anyone of us right. Hazel said But Beste I am the oldest and he is easier on you than me. I am getting old and I want a family. I can't keep being Mom. I have to get a life of my own. And with the suitcase Beste hug me and kiss me on the cheek and I left. Luther and I got married up North and I changed my last name to Mack so Daddy could not find me. We built a family up North and some of my siblings left Dad because they grew up too. And they found me because of Beste and they had families of their own. And they said they saw Momma. And so I went to see Momma in the hospital, I told her I love her and forgive her but I wanted to know why she left us. Momma said Because that man your Dad was mistreating me. And I could not take it anymore. But I am sorry Hazel. And I hug Momma and she died months later in the hospital. Luther and I did not have the perfect marriage but I was not gonna do what my mother did to me to my children. I wanted my children to get an education and become something better and their children and their children.
By Matthew Primous4 days ago in Confessions
One of the Greatest Inventions of Mankind
My mother Delana always taught me to trust my instinct. To trust myself and believe in higher power. God. She raised me to do my best. She raised me to always think do your best and never purposefully failed. And if you failed to get back up. To try harder. See because she knew I had smarts. She knew I had brains. That's why the friends I grew up with nickname me "Smarts" And these friends were like siblings. I mean I knew them since elementary. I remember the year Computation integration on demand was born. It was that year of Gore versus Bush Presidential Campaign. Where the whole country was in an uproar? Many people did not know which to choose for president. It became a nightmare the counting and the media bashing the Electoral Collège System. It was all over the news and it was very hard to avoid it. It was so hard to be avoided that we talked about in school even in high school. I was not so involved with the Presidential Campaign but I remember my first one that caught my attention. It was the Bush versus Clinton presidential elections. I was curious about politics but never thought that I would ever be involved. Anyways, that year 2000 I was jammed pack. I was getting ready to graduate. I wanted to graduate in 10th grade and I would have but I could not find a scholarship. I did not qualified for any even with being in high honor roll for six years and making many 100s and A's. I however got to start high school in middle school and I got accepted in college at age 14 and I took college classes at age 15 right before I graduated high school. Then it was the Prom and Ball, a coming of age but who would I take. There were beautiful women but I had to graduate. I could not settle just yet until I see the world outside home. I was kinda too busy focus on academics like my family wanted me to. Besides working which I love and was privilege to do. And I never had a class like Economics, the history and the insights made me fall in love with business. I was already a history lover and major nothing I could not learn, and yeah science Biology and Chemistry straight A's too and yeah English got love Shakespeare and his MacBeth and Math making my own formulas. I love teaching and tutoring because the material was interesting. I would spend most of my time at the library trying to learn something and get better and better and yeah do homework and eat lunch. Scottie ain't gonna let nobody get the best of me. School taught me brainstorming. And I would love talking about what I learned. I would first practicing in the library to myself and alone because practice makes perfect and it really really does. And the librarians knew me, I was inspired by the Skim Read Author because with skim read you can read anything and learn. And even by Frederick Douglass' bookmark 'Read and Be Free'.. Anyways I was taking these classes to graduate that Fall, Politics in Government and we covered the elections and the recount. And I just like normally brainstorm an idea as I was watching the news in class over the election. What about a new voting machine? One where you can use voice, One where you can use touch, one where you can hear the candidate, one where it can talk to you. And my teacher said Scottie that is a great idea you should invented that after all the voting machines were old and out of date even controlled by large corporations. So I thought and thought and learned and learned I took a college class in high school on Productions and I had an assignment to learn about the first voting booth and do a project on the inventor. After learning the basics of businesses, my teacher Chase offered to give college credit and I pay for college credit after earning a perfect score. It was my Economics teacher Mrs. Johnson who after class presented the idea too. She asked Scottie what are you gonna be when you grow up? I said I don't know. I can't decide. Doctor or Engineer. And she said you should be an engineer. Go and build the invention. So I tried to get help from Teacher Chase but he said he could not help but I was one of his best students and I know how to do it after building a one of a kind oak wooden clock. So I graduated early in 11th grade all my friends who were like siblings were there. My mother Delana was there dressed fancy, she had her hair to her shoulders in a beautiful gold dress. And the ceremony was long many people applauded me when they said my name and some stood up. I got a Regent Diploma and was a Black Scholar with a 3.6 GPA. I had to take time away from school because my parents could not afford it. So I convinced my mother Delana to invest in my patent as I did a provisional patent called Millennium Edition Voting Booth and further research which I was good at. While researching I changed the invention into Computation integration on demand. I got the provisional patent quickly on Columbus Day. And months and months later the patent official. So that is the story behind Computation integration on Demand which had to be published by 2024.The invention was challenged many times by other inventors who denounce its claims and among the attacks where the discrepancies with a examiner. But it won since 2015, Best of Rochester Award's Computer Software and enter Rochester Business Hall of Fame. A company was created around it ordered by the Government who granted it and Congress debated over the patent. The patent even had a special High-Tech Medallion with its patent numbers that you can display on a company website. And it was classified after being researched in Germany and Japan, it was classified as one of the Greatest Inventions of Mankind. And now recognized by Time Magazine in 2024 as one of the Best Inventions with nearly 50 software applications known on the best software engineers around the world site. It is such an honor and privilege. And I learned so much and come so far. I can't stop now.
By Matthew Primous5 days ago in Confessions
Leana's Day
Said I can't wait till He wipes every tear from my eye. Said I can't wait till He wipe every tear from my eye. He's gonna wipe every tear from my eye oh my. He's gonna wipe every tear from my eye oh my. I could hear the choir from church now practicing over and over again. As the church was not too far from my home. My grandmother who raised me and gave me everything that I had. She taught me to revere God. That even though sometimes He works mysteriously that things would work out. My parents lost custody because they became too poor and the bills add up. But I respect them for giving birth to me and helping grandma pay the bills. My grandmother taught me how to read and write. She taught me how to be a good person. And she made sure that I did really well. I remember how she was there for me each time rain or shine. And I loved her dearly. When I graduated from school, she was old but still strong strong like Black Coffee in the morning. She would always sing in the morning, sing when she was working, sing when she was cooking. And eventually she taught me how to sing. I loved this song of hers. Sweet Lord Sweet Lord why don't you come by here. Ohhhh Sweet Lord Sweet Lord we need to hear from you. Sweet Lord Sweet Lord you know you are needed and your people want a touch from you. I could not afford to go to college because I did not have the funds. I was one of the smartest students, did really well in school but I could not afford the funds. So I worked at a coffee shop and I met some church folks. Hey Leana aren't you Mrs. Betters' grandchild. I was shy at first but gave in. Yes it's little Leana. I love this job. It pays well and I could make an earning. The folks said I bet you know how to sing because Mrs. Betters was known for singing. Boy she could tear a house down with her voice. Her voice is like an angel. Sing for us. Go up on stage and sing for us. I resisted I don't know. Singing ain't gonna pay my bills. Now just enjoy your meal and I will let grandma know about it. The folks said You know God. God doesn't like people hiding talent. God doesn't like pride. God gave us talent to used when we go through something and to give Him the glory. That's what Bishop Press said. And I shyly went away politely. After sometime, I thought of what they said in the back of my mind while working. And my friend Jenne said Leana you worked here for years and they did not give you a raise. They gave that other new girl a raised. I said Jenne mind your business. My grandmother really need the money plus she let me get things. And I can't afford college. Jenne said Girl they are using us, they are keeping the tips and they are making us work overtime for free. I said What? I am calling the manager because that is robbery. I am not gonna work for free and not receive benefits. So I quitted working and asked to speak to the manager. Mr. Bryant I can't work for free. I got to pay bills. My grandmother depend upon it. You can't expect people to be loyal to a job that uses them. Mr. Bryant said That's the rule if you don't like some of our practice. You are welcome to leave. We have a strict budget and we can't afford to pay overtime. I said Well it's not like you have paid for me for my overtime and you never gave me a raise in upton amount of years. I should just walk out. Mr. Bryant said if you quit then you are not welcome back. I walked and said fine. I hugged and said good bye to Jenne. Jenne said Girl what are you gonna do. I said I got something saved up. And I started singing my way out. Doesn't make a difference what you say. Doesn't make a difference what you do. Doesn't make a difference unless you be true. O Help me Lord Help me see my way. As I was walking home, I had to figure my life out. I passed the playground and my old school just when the sun was setting and walk two miles home with some food and water. I felt the gentle breeze and got out of the way of the fast moving cars. I came home early asking for my grandmother. And my mother showed up, Leana why aren't you at work? I said Mom they cheated me over and over again. And I ain't gonna be cheated. I worked there for years no raise. But they gave it to a new girl. Mom said well maybe you can work for the church. I said the Church oh no no no. Mom said Remember child your father and I was paying your grandmother's bills. We were the people behind her care for you. And now it's time to grow up and be the woman we know you are. We have somethings. You are not alone. And we can fix those years of struggling. I said Mom you weren't there for me. I forgive you. And grandma told me you cared but let me choose my life. I started walking toward the stairs. Mom said Leana Bishop Press is coming by to offer you a job. I suggested you get ready and suit up because you will serve in the church. You will sing for her. And I meant that. I said Oh Mom. Then Bishop Press with church staff came by around 7pm. And they were talking to Mom and chatting for hours. And Mom called me. And I said Mom where is grandma. Mom said she is out with your father. They are shopping. I said for what. Mom said what do you mean for what? Maybe a gift for you. I can't tell. I said Alright Mom I will do it. I ain't got no job anyways. Mom said Sing without the piano and then with. I sang Jesus Jesus give me this day. My daily bread and let me see no evil. I want to walk with you. I want to be with you. Heaven's my true home. Take me there someday oh someday. Then the ministers clap loudly. And Bishop Press said Why am I hearing her now? Child God took that job away because He has big plans for you. You can be somebody. And forgive that job that was just a stepping stone. Let go. Life is too great to be angry. Life is too great to be ugly. Life is too great to be miserable. God is life and life abundantly. Trust Him to supply your need according to his riches and glory. And let the ulginess die, let people who bring out the ugly in you I mean it let them go. Let situations that bring out your worse let it go. Let the pain, the offense, and the hurt go. And I turned to my Mother with tears in my eye and said Mom I love you and I love Dad. I forgive you for not raising me. Mom cried I tried but they took you away. We tried but you're okay and we never stop fighting for you. And I hugged Mom then I played the piano singing Dear Jesus I love you. You are where my source come from. You are my help. You are my strength. I will always trust you. I will always obey. For Dear Jesus I love you. I love you.
By Matthew Primous8 days ago in Journal
Lazarus' Beginnings
I was a good son that never went partying. I never went down the wrong road. Though I thought about it. I never did. And I tried to live my life as an example. I wanted to be a good Christian. My father raised me to be a good man. He desired me to be a leader. And to lead by example. And it so happened that my parents divorced and I was taken custody by my father. I loved my mother but she was too hurt over her marriage to raise me. I will always love my mother but I will never understand where she come from. I would never understand why she did not want me. I will never understand why she left me. Living with my beloved father, he would make sure I came home on time and went to school. And though I fought with words because I would never lift up my hands to my father. My father was the only one that cared about me and he was the only one to keep me. My father hoped for me to be something Mr. Lazarus was his name. And I was Jr. I would come to my father with every problem and with every concern. Because I knew my father was wise, reading tons and tons of books and listening to hundreds and hundreds of music. And he made sure I went to church even in college. I would do it for my father's honor and my family was a godly one. It so happened that I felt sicked really sicked. It started with a lump in my foot. So my father took me to the doctor and asked the doctor what it was. And the doctor ran many tests and said that it is a nerve issue. i was worried what people might say and I was worried if I would live long. But my father prayed and made sure I took my medicine. And I was healed and happy again but I knew something worse was coming along and hope my father would be around to save me again. After college and graduating, the exact day after for several days I could not sleep. I could not lay down. I was seeing things, seeing devils, and seeing demons. Something trying to traumatized me. And I would do a slave dance to resist within my power. And finally my father caught me one night. And he told me to go to sleep. I cried that I can't. And we argue for a moment. And he asked Jr. are you sick. And I was afraid of being locked into the hospital. And he asked again. And I broke the rule. I fought with my father when he tried to give me medicine. And he threatened to call the police. And I said cryingly I am ill. I am sick again. I don't know why. God I don't know why. Help me. And my father said I can't believe you fought with me. And the officers came and I explained that I am sick and ill and I don't know what illness it is. And I said that I could not move. My father thought I was exaggerating and he let them take me. So I was crying while they carried me out. And I was crying to God and praying and it felt like what the preacher talked about the passion of Christ his sufferings. They strapped me to the bed to take me to a psyche ward. I cried and I heard a voice Look up to Heaven Jr. For I am with you. I am with you. So I stop crying and lay down. And the first responders tighten my straps. And they left to check in on my father who was distraught because he was hurting over what I have done and he tried to come. The first responder said Your father wants to come but we recommended that he should not because of the issue you had with him. You are now under our care and we are taking you to the hospital. And they left again because my father really wanted to come. I heard for the last time Your father really want to come. And the responder went back but the third time the officers and first responders were shocked to find out my straps were loosen and I did not run away. The responders put the straps back on and the officers left afterwards. As I was taken by the ambulance they withdrew blood and it hurted terribly. I begin to cry again. And I was rushed into the hospital. They asked what to call me I said Jr. And they left me strapped up because the hospital was packed. I was strapped while they run tests. And I cried and prayed like my father taught me. And I was finally getting a little sleep. And I kept sleeping and closing my eyes and talking to God. And I waited really really really long. And a shadow of death came in the room, I thought to take me and begin crying for Jesus profusely with tears. And the shadow of death kept coming closer and then the shadow stopped all of sudden. And I heard the angelic voice say. I loosen your straps again Jr. Now go tell them. So I jumped off the hospital bed and walk to get assistance. And the doctors and nurses marvel. And I asked for assistance and something eat. And they promised to help. So I willingly laid upon the bed and they put the straps back on but not so tight. And within time a nurse came to visit. And she gave me some medicine similar to one that my father gave. And she asked me about how I ended up there. She was nice. And she asked the medical questions. She said what a good looking man like you ended in this hospital. And I told her about my life. Mary was a beautiful nurse and she was a Christian like me. Then she told me plainly that I am sick and they don't know if I will recover. I told her I will do what the doctors say and I want a Bible. And I started with Abraham each day I kept reading about Abraham and praying that I got better. And Mary told me the good news after months in the hospital that I am doing better and recovering. And she said I had some visitors. It was my mother and father, my mother said she tried to come for me. She tried to put me on her insurance but they would not let her. She tried reaching out to me. My father said that it's okay Jr. I am here now. It was not you. It was the illness. And keep fighting I plan for you to keep doing great things. So help you God. Mary interrupted and brought in the psychologist. The psychologist said Your son is a medical marvel. That call saved his life. He has a rare lifelong mental illness. And first Jr. It is okay you will live but with help from meds and mental health counseling. Mr. and Mrs. Lazarus if your son would have stay with you he would have died in your home. But he is a miracle. His mind is great and in good condition. He excelled at our Jeopardy games and he excelled at our Computer mind games. He only played them a few times and he did an excellent job. And Mom and Dad wished me well and hug me and talk to the doctors. And I said my good byes. And I told Mary that I like her and I thank her for all of her help calling her a good women and great nurse. She slightly resisted but eventually gave in and said you're okay too as she gently hug me and tap my shoulder smiling.
By Matthew Primous8 days ago in Families
Earnesta's Will
Lord I am trying to make it through. Lord I am trying to overcome. My soul is weary. And my soul is in need of rest. O Savior I need thee I pray for thee. And the choir sung over and over Lord Lord Lord I've been through Lord Lord Lord I've been through Lord Lord Lord I've been through. I never heard that song before on the radio. It made me feel happy so much I wipe a tear from my eye. It reminded me of the songs they used to sang in Momma's church. Momma used to love repeating those songs when she was stressed. Momma would sang so pretty and loud that people outside could hear her. Even when she washed the clothes, she would be humming in the fields. Sometimes I missed Momma so much I would go by our old house and remember. I better hurry up get to church because you know church doesn't wait for you. And I love praise and worship and Pastor Clay's preaching. I usually am good at getting ready but it just lately I have been feeling it. Going through a divorce, loveless marriage ending. And not yet ready to give up. Like stormy weather, I am frightened at public confrontation. Even though I am not ashamed because it was not me but the relationship was just turning for the worst. I can't keep feeling this way. I can't keep letting these emotions get to me. Sometimes I would have to walk in the rain just to relieve my stress. Sometimes I would run in the rain. Something I used to do as a child because it was fun. And I like laughing and playing. Momma said I was a curious and adventurous child. Yeah whatever happened to that, being fun and adventurous. Hebert just was too strict and he cling too much. I need space. I need independence. I need a life. Anyways I am dressed and on my way to church. I can't seem to get that song out of my head. Momma said when you are hurting He knows. There will be times of depression, times of anguish, times of stress. When you need a word, that's when it time to go to church. You gotta know when to be preach to and when to preach and when to teach and when to listen. Many people don't feel preaching. Many people don't feel like listening I guess. Many people don't think about God or ignores His existence. But I was raised better. Momma would put me in my place if I ever thought that. Lord knows, wait don't rain now. I am praying Father in Heaven I love rain but no storm. And you said we have dominion and power. Give me dominion and power right now to tell that storm not to come. I never liked storms ever since I was a child. I remember the thunder, the lightning, wind, and the damage. I could not play even in the house. I had to stay quiet. I was soooo afraid about being struck. My heart stood still as I clutch my favorite stuffed French Bull Dog doll. I called him Puddles. Puddles would help me to sleep at night and on time. I love Puddles because he kept me safe. I would not cry with Puddles. However I somehow lost him. Oh good it did not rain but I am running late. I got passed everyone to get a good seat. Good they are still doing praise and worship and singing We are Healed. The lead sing twice He was wounded for our transgression, He was bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was upon him. With his stripes we are healed. And the choir joined Augusta the lead who was classical trained repeating for the third time. But something happened to me as a social worker I never thought I needed the help. Helping all those people for 20 years on the job and i could not save my 20 years marriage. Telling everybody it's okay and not feeling okay. Was I living in vain? Was I a liar? Was I living a life of lies? So worryingly I walked out of the sanctuary covering my tears into the women's bathroom and I chose a stall. I heard to church friends talking. You know Teresha you should not go around spreading gossip and rumors. It is not becoming. You know you will reap what you sow. As they both were fixing their looks in the large mirror. The other said So what you are suppose to speak the truth. And they both stood quiet oddly. I did not want to break the conversation or be questioned by them so I stood in the stall. Merea you should mind your business. The truth will come out. Teresha the truth belongs to God not to you and you will reap what you sow. Why do you want to hurt her so bad? Why do you want to be so ugly? Put yourself in her shoes. I just could not stay any longer plus Pastor Clay might be speaking. So I got out quickly washed my hands in the third sink and quietly left. And the two women were shocked and offended. And as I was walking in the sanctuary, Pastor Clay was speaking. You say I am hurting. You say I am offended. You say Lord why? But do you really want the answer. Do you really want to know why. God is trying to get through to you in a loving way. He is trying to tell you something that you need to know. God is trying to change your life, change your direction, change your position in life. Though you live, you strive. Though you seem okay, you faint. Though you struggle, you close yourself. God is trying to get through to you. God is trying to speak to you. He wants you to know that hurt is not life. Offense is not life. Struggling is not life. He wants you to live. For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son that whomsoever believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. If you need healing from the past come to the altar. If you need healing of abuse, come to the altar. If you need healing of hurt, come to the altar. The altar is here for you to meet God. the altar is here for you come to God. The altar is here for you to humble yourself and seek His face. Amen. And the church was in an uproar and many people came to the altar even I. As the choir sang Is your all on the altar of sacrifice? Is it laid? Does your heart let the Spirit take control? You can only be blessed and have peace and perfect rest when your all on the altar is laid. And Pastor Clay prayed on me and I fell into the arms of the ushers. I blackout and had a dream just a light and hearing this voice of God saying Is your all? Do you give up everything to me? Forgive as I have forgiven you. And the storm of your life shall subside. And I woke up covered by a sheet from the usher. And I told the minister what I saw and hear. And the minister prayed on me and encourage me. They gave me the church number to call for guidance. And as I went home I was singing that song on the radio and I had to pull over and say to God I will do what you will. I give up my will for yours. And a driver came to see if I was okay, it was my brother Peter and he told me about Momma. After talking for sometime, he gave me some Fried Fish Dinner that he just brought saying that he had extra dinners. I told him about Hebert. And he asked me if I love him. And I tried to ignore but my brother Peter is persistent. And I said yes I do loved him. Peter said God can fixed it Earnesta. Do God's Will. Ask God if you should go back to him. Tell God you will do whatever He says. Then Peter left to see Momma. i tried to fix my makeup and prayed. i felt better. I felt alright. My marriage needs God. I need God. I feel healed in my right mind and I feel like my storm has passed by Jesus' stripes. And whatever happens happens. I will let that man know that I love him. And I will leave it in God's hands.
By Matthew Primous9 days ago in Writers